Be Wise, Build Your Home, Get Praised (Proverbs 14:1)
It is typical for a pastor to stand up and heap praise upon mothers on Mother’s Day and rip the fathers to shreds on Father’s Day. In the name of fairness, I intend to challenge the mothers this morning. And I want to start by challenging long and strongly held viewpoints.
I will cut against the grain today with the sermon. The main premise of this message runs counter to what we see in society today. I do not believe that every mother is worthy of praise, nor do I believe that every woman is worthy of praise. Some women really mess up this motherhood thing. And these women are worthy of a reprimand and not to be told that they are doing well.
And I think that women know this to be true.
Type in the phrase “women unhappier than ever” into Google and you’ll find something interesting. It seems that all sorts of sociologists and psychologists are trying to wrap their mind around the fact that despite all the gains that society promised would lead to a better life for women, they are more unhappy than ever. The women burning their bras in the streets a few decades ago would be baffled to hear about the current state of female happiness.
And the reason is quite simple. Everything they burned their mops and bras for doesn’t seem to have brought about anything that could remotely be perceived as happiness. In our current moment, far more women receive college educations than men. In 2020, it was reported that there were more women in the workforce than men. Statistics are even showing that men are doing more of the housework than ever before. And women are now pushing off obligations inside the home, the average of marrying age is now 27-29 and children are being delayed so that women can have careers.
Interestingly, one survey that I looked at in preparation for this sermon revealed that the most unhappy people in America today are unmarried women with no children with professional jobs, such as a doctor or lawyer.
I think those bra burners would be very confused by this. But we shouldn’t be.
We shouldn’t be confused by this because God has given women a huge role in the world today and that role is not to be men, but to be God-honoring women in the world God made. God made men, God made women, and God made the world. And God has ordained how men and women are to operate within the world that He made.
God has revealed to us the different roles that women play in His world and in His Word. And everything that I am about to say will go against our modern society’s view of humanity.
Everything in nature tells us that there is something special about femininity. People joke about how if you give a woman a paycheck, she is the one that turns it into something special. Give a man a paycheck and he will have a huge tv in a bare room. If you give a woman a house, she makes it a home. And when a man gives a woman a little something he’s produced, she creates a human being. These things are very productive, but productive in a different way than a man. Simply put, men can’t do the things a woman can do.
God made man and woman in His image (Genesis 1:27). This means that males and females are images of God, reflections of Him to the world. Both male and female are of equal value, but they do this reflecting differently. Men reflect the image of God differently than women do.
Our society desires androgyny, but that won’t work. Men and women really are different, and we’ve joked about those differences for years. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus is the joke that was turned into a book title, or maybe it was the other way around. I’m a little too young to know. But it’s humorous because we know this to be the case.
Women are made to work together with their husbands to extend the boundaries of God’s presence here on the Earth.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”” (Genesis 1:27-28 ESV)
Images of God, pictures of His rule and reign are to fill the Earth. The entirety of this world is to be subdued by men and women. And the way that men and women go about this task will be different.
Different how?
Well, Paul tells us quite directly in the Book of Titus.
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:3-5 ESV)
What is it that the older women in a church to be training the younger women in a church to do? They are to train the younger women to “love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands”. And why is that to be the case? The answer to that question is in the text as well, “that the word of God may not be reviled.” Do these things so that God will be glorified in the world.
This is a command. And it’s a command given so that God’s Word will not be reviled out in the world. That means that women who have already gone through many of the struggles younger women are going to are commanded, not advised, to train young women to “love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands”. It is sinful for the older people to segregate themselves away from the older people in a congregation. It is likewise sinful for younger people to shun the older people. And the reason is so that God will be glorified with our lives.
And this is also what we see in the Proverbs 31 woman. She works constantly for the nurture of her family. Through her the family is cared for well. And through her they feel the love and grace of God over their lives. She does work outside the home, but her focus is in the love and care of her family. She wasn’t working outside the home to the neglect of her family, her family was always at the center. She wasn’t abandoning them to climb the corporate ladder. Her household was what she was living for and what she was building up through everything she did.
“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:27-31 ESV)
This is where things get interesting. The very things that are so obvious in our observations of the world are also found within the pages of Scripture. Women can do things that men can’t do. They are equipped for tasks that men are not. This means that women will find fulfillment and honor God more in places and doing things that men will not.
And now we come to our text for the day. It is a simple one and it comes from the Book of Proverbs. It’s Proverbs 14:1.
“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” (Proverbs 14:1 ESV)
This is a Proverb about the actions of a wise woman and the actions of a foolish woman. And the Proverb itself is very simple. The wise woman builds her house and the foolish woman tears down her house. Most of the other English translation capture this idea better.
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” (Proverbs 14:1 KJV)
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1 NLT)
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14:1 NIV)
“Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1 CSB) [Pro 14:1 CSB]
“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1 NASB)
The simple idea conveyed in this text is that the wise woman builds her house, and the foolish woman tears it down. Here is the point of the sermon for today. The wise woman builds her household and is worthy of praise while the foolish woman tears apart her household and is worthy to be reprimanded.
For short and memorization purposes. The point of the message is: be wise, build your home, and get praised.
The Wise Woman Builds Her House (Proverbs 14:1, Malachi 2:14-16, 1 Timothy 3:1-7, Proverbs 31:10-27)
A few months back we looked at the expansion of God’s rule and reign over the universe involved the household. In fact, it was centered upon the household. Husband and wife exercise dominion over the world as they work to fill and subdue all of creation (Genesis 2). He was given a job to do, and she was made a helper fit for him in the task. In other words, the household has a rather large task here. And the wise woman who builds her home.
If you think that running your household is just cooking and cleaning, then your view of the household is far too small.
I was a music major at Arkansas Tech University. Amanda was as well. And Freshmen who entered the music department had a faulty view of what it meant to be a music major. I would assume that a lot of people do. The work of learning music is quite difficult. They came in thinking it was all about getting better at singing or playing their instrument.
They didn’t realize how much work Music Theory and Ear Training was going to be. They didn’t realize that they were going to be learning to play another instrument. And they didn’t realize that they would spend hours in a practice room trying to figure out relative pitches, practicing their instrument, and practicing other instruments. So, somewhere around 90 students dwindled to around 15 or so by the second year. Most of the rest of us graduated. But the majority of those students either changed majors or quit college altogether.
Well, what was the problem?
They didn’t understand what it meant to actually learn music. It’s a lot like learning another language and less like learning how to play an instrument. They didn’t know the depth of what they were stepping into, and so they failed at the task.
I think there are a lot of similarities to a household with this regard. The depth and breadth of what a household is has been very misunderstood. It’s about more than keeping everyone safe, clean, and fed. Sure, it is those things, but it is much, much more.
In fact, I would argue that due to time restraints and concentration restraints, we will not be able to even skim the surface of what it means to build a house. But we will dive into some areas and it is my hope that we will give something to chew on and think through in the days ahead.
In Malachi 2, we see something that God highly prioritizes within a household that we do not prioritize much today. And that is the creation of godly offspring, which when you think about is a literal building of the household.
“But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”” (Malachi 2:14-16 ESV)
Notice what the purpose here is of marriage, the creation of godly offspring. And in this passage, and through the wickedness of divorce this was not being fulfilled.
It is obvious enough that women play a huge role in the bringing about of godly offspring, for the first part of that is childbirth.
It is at this point that we need to rethink just about all of our thoughts on the number of children that we should have. I have mentioned this before. And I do believe there are considerations that should be made with regard to the number of children we have. For instance, having a special needs child requires a lot of time and resources, for us that meant it would be incredibly difficult to have another child at home. And it also brought up other considerations that I shall not mention here. But we decided to limit based upon that consideration. Finances may be another consideration. Or the ability to care for another child. I really do believe there are other considerations to be made, but I also believe that we have become sinful in our way of thinking about children. We must understand that one of the things that God is seeking from our marriages is godly offspring. And that means we must have children.
But godly offspring is not just any offspring that we are bringing forth. We are to bring forth “godly offspring”. It is not enough to just lie around and be a baby maker. We are to be raising up godly offspring.
We have already seen in our study of Genesis that the husband is the head of His family, but she is oriented to the home more than he is. And this works itself out in a number of ways with regard to raising “godly children”.
A man will generally understand that the Bible needs to be taught in the home and pray and work toward the conversion of his children. But what is Mom doing? She is worrying day and night about her children. She is praying for them very often. And she throws herself into teaching God’s Word to her children in a loving and nurturing way. God has created mothers to embody the love of God and the gospel to her children in a very special way.
God sent His Son to Earth to dwell among us. He took on human flesh and was embodied. Jesus is God in human flesh. And He lived a perfect life on behalf of sinners. He died on the cross as the punishment for sin. And three days later He rose from the grave. Jesus is God’s love and grace and mercy embodied. God the Son laid down His life for His people.
In ages past it was more so the case, but women take a rather large risk in having children. Pregnancy is a dangerous ordeal, but modern medicine has helped with this. But even with a healthy pregnancy, the body of a mother is changed. From hemorrhoids to peeing a little if you laugh too hard, bringing life into the world changes your body. Moms make sacrifices for babies to have life. And that is the way of motherhood. Moms will sacrifice their selves for the needs of their children.
There is another aspect of building a home that should be discussed here. And it is that you need to build a home that points people to the Lord.
Christians are supposed to be hospitable people. There is a whole history to being hospitable, and the ancient laws about housing foreigners are part of that. But it is something that we are supposed to be today.
Being hospitable is a pastoral qualification. There are a lot of pastors out there today that are not hospitable, and that is a shame. The qualification is spelled out quite plainly in the text and if a pastor does not meet the qualification, then he should not be a pastor. But the thing I find interesting about this qualification is that this qualification has a lot to do with the way a pastor’s wife runs her household.
“The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.” (1Timothy 3:1-7 ESV)
Sadly, I have never had a pastor that I felt was hospitable. It seems like a lost qualification in an incredibly impersonal age.
But why is this even listed among the pastoral qualifications?
The pastoral qualifications are there because the pastor is to be watched and mimicked. His life is to be replicated among the people. The qualifications of a pastor are things that everyone is to aspire to do. Other than the ability to teach, everyone can do it. But in reality, even the ability to teach is to be replicated in some way with our children in our homes.
And so, hospitality is listed among the qualifications because we are supposed to be people who are hospitable. Hospitality is supposed to be something that spreads throughout the community of believers. It connects us together in fellowship. It binds us together into one another’s lives. And as this happens love for one another grows.
Who is making the house hospitable and inviting?
Who decorates that home in a way that brings people who have a hard week into a time of peace?
Who makes everyone feel welcome and loved?
Who makes everyone in that home feel that they are loved and cared for?
Who works like mad to make all of that happen?
Well, the house despot does.
Two chapters later, Paul gives direction to young unmarried women.
“So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” (1 Timothy 5:14 ESV)
We’ve already seen his instruction for older women to train younger women to work at home. Here Paul gives women an interesting title. The word “οἰκοδεσποτεῖν”. Now, this is an interesting thing for Paul to call a woman. It is a compound word that literally means “house ruler”. Oikos means house. And we get our word for a tyrannical ruler, a despot”, from this word.
Most of us defer to our wives in matters of the home. And we should. She is the house despot. I don’t argue with the house despot about a lot of things. I am to be the head of the house. I am responsible for the activities of my home. But she is the one who is managing that house.
So, again, I want to return to the idea of being hospitable.
Who is it that makes a home hospitable? Obviously, both from experience and the Scriptures, the house despot.
But this is not just for those outside of the family. It is a way of life and a labor of love for the people closest to you.
Who is it that builds a home of peace for the family?
Who decorates the home in a way that is loving and inviting?
Who makes the whole family feel they are in a place of peace and love?
Who is it that builds a household in which the whole family feels the love of God wash over them on a daily basis?
Who builds the home that is a respite from the world?
This isn’t about becoming June Cleaver. In fact, I think it has been argued well that the 1950’s got the womanhood thing wrong. Caring for a household should be about more than keeping everyone fed and in clean clothes. It’s about building a home that wraps your family and everyone who dawns your doors in the love and grace of God.
Francis Schaeffer once said that more people were brought to faith in Christ through his wife’s hospitality than his preaching. That’s the kind of thing this kind of household building can do. Build that kind of home. Endeavor to build that kind of home and have that kind of life. Build a home that is so enveloped with the love and grace of God that people are drawn into Christ through your labor.
That is what a wise woman does. And you see a picture of that in Proverbs 31.
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:10-27 ESV)
A wise woman builds her home.
The Foolish Woman Tears Down Her House (Proverbs 14:1, Proverbs 7:6-23)
The foolish woman can tear down a household. I think we have all seen that happen.
We always talk about the Proverbs 31 woman. And it is for good reason. But her opposite is also found in the Book of Proverbs. She is in Proverbs 7. And her entire character is summarized in Proverbs 7:11-12.
“She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait.” (Proverbs 7:11-12 ESV)
Notice that while the Proverbs 31 woman is oriented to the home, the Proverbs 7 woman is not. And she is a destroyer of households.
Proverbs 7 sums up what our society believes women should be about. When women threw their mops and bras into fires, this was their end goal. It was for women to be oriented to the world and not their homes. The goal was for women to find their end and their purpose everywhere else. That is why the same movement that threw mops and bras into the fire created abortion.
But, as has already been discussed earlier in the message, women have found it utterly unsatisfying. The promises of secular society were not as advertised. And in the early 1900’s G.K. Chesterton pointed out the weirdness of the matter.
“Ten thousand women marched through the streets shouting, ‘We will not be dictated to,’ and went off and became stenographers.”-G.K. Chesterton
As women gained everything they marched for, they became more and more unhappy and families lost the love and grace of mothers who orient themselves toward the home. We would do well to ask ourselves,
“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36 ESV)
Mothers, I hope that you can see that this is not about whether you receive a paycheck from someone outside the home. It’s about whether you are building or tearing down your home.
To be frank on this point, our society has lived through about 100 years of the home being torn down. How many of the people you know have the grace and peace of a home built up by a loving and caring wife and mother today? How many people actually have a home that is wrapped in the love and grace of a caring and godly mother today?
And now I want to express the difficulty of delivering a message like this. Some ladies can do immense work and not think that they are hitting the mark. No matter how much and how well they labor, they will always feel they miss the mark. Other ladies can tear down multiple households and continue to behave the same way and think they are doing well.
I believe the Book of Proverbs delivers a big help here. It is the help of those closest to a mother. Her family should rise and bless her. If you are blessed to have a wife that loves and cares for her family, then the family should be letting her know. Husbands and children should be shouting her praises from the rooftops.
Families, Praise The Wise Woman (Proverbs 31:27-31)
It’s Mother’s Day. Let her have it today! And every day!
If you are blessed with a godly mother who is providing all of this for you, then you are commanded to heap honor and blessing upon her in great measure. If your wife is providing all of this for your household, then you’d better give her blessing after blessing.
“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:27-31 ESV)
It’s Mother’s Day. Pour out blessing upon blessing to your Mom. A godly mother has earned that and then some.
Let her know that you appreciate her throughout the year.
All of you know, hopefully, how much I appreciate Amanda for all that she does at our home. If you don’t then I have not shown enough appreciation toward her for all she’s done. My children live in a place of safety and learning. And my whole family lives in a place where the love of Christ is felt through her selfless actions.
If your wife has built a wonderful home for you, then you need to be pouring out the thanks and praise upon her today and every day.
Conclusion
Our society is currently falling apart. And most of you can see it. It’s right in front of your eyes. And much of that falling apart is found within the households of our society. Much of what I have said today would be labeled by most as a sexist diatribe. I don’t. I call it the way forward. I would call it a plan of action. It is a call to build something glorious amid an age of confusing darkness. And it is a praiseworthy endeavor.
Our world tells mothers to go out and do their own thing and find fulfillment everywhere but where God has called them to orient their selves. And for that reason, it is not an easy message to deliver, or likely hear. But the way forward is clear. Be wise, build your home, and get praised.
Go home, celebrate the mothers in your life today. Heap blessing after blessing upon her. If your wife and/or mother has been wise and built her home then she needs to be praised.
R. Dwain Minor