The Bond Of Love And Mission (Acts 20:17; 36-38)
We don’t seem to understand what brings people together today. Increasingly, Americans don’t know their neighbors and don’t have any friends. And, increasingly, as churches prioritize exposure and advertising over community this is missed there as well.
And this is a horribly sad situation. The reason is that God didn’t create us to be alone.
Despite what you may have been told men and women are different and play different roles within society. Men are not women and women are not men. And that both makes this text stranger and more comprehensible.
But it’s also what helps us to completely understand what is happening in this text today.
Men are known for a lot of things. Crying is not one of them. I’m not saying that men never cry, but I am saying that it doesn’t happen that often.
In the movie “A League Of Their Own”, the men go off to World War II and because the baseball team owners don’t want the game to be vacant during the war, they make women’s teams. And what is the most memorable line in the movie? If you know one line from that movie it’s this one. “There’s no crying in baseball.” from Tom Hanks who is the male coach. The fact of the matter is that there was no crying in baseball, and suddenly there was.
It’s not that crying is bad and women should be thought of as lesser than men. That’s not it at all. It’s that men are different than women. Their emotions don’t rise and fall at the same things. And when we read a text like ours today, I want you to understand it.
Read the text.
Who was here? Who are we talking about being here with Paul embracing him, kissing him, and crying?
This was a meeting that was dominated by men. We know this because it was elders of the church at Ephesus that were brought to him. Paul would write to Timothy while imprisoned in Acts 28.
Paul sent Timothy to deal with problems in Ephesus according to 1 Timothy 1:1-3.
“I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.” (1 Timothy 2:12 ESV)
“The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:1-5 ESV)
This pertains here today because it is a meeting of overseers, elders. Look at
“Now from Miletus he sent to Ephesus and called the elders of the church to come to him.” (Acts 20:17 ESV)
If Paul meant what he said when he said that he did not allow women to teach or to exercise authority over a man and that the role of pastor, elder was limited to men, then this meeting is a bunch of men. And, since I believe he wasn’t crossing his fingers behind his back when he said that, he meant it. And it helps us to further understand our context.
Were some pastor’s wives there? I guess maybe. But this was a meeting for the pastors. This was a meeting for men. And look at what happened in this meeting of pastors.
“Now from Miletus he sent to Ephesus and called the elders of the church to come to him. … And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship.” (Acts 20:17, 36-38 ESV)
I have been a man for 42 years at this point. And I can confidently say that this sort of event is incredibly rare. And, for the most part, I get irritated when men start crying. On the other hand, unless I think I’m being manipulated, I get sympathetic when women cry.
In fact, there was once a man that talked to me about having gone to a Men’s Bible Study where the room was filled with crying men. I sort of laughed at the thought of it. He was frustrated and wanted to be a part of something like that. I didn’t get it. And I still don’t because men are not women.
The reason I am going on and on about the tears is because they tell a story that the men in the room will understand in a much deeper way, if I do so.
Men are different than women. This is abundantly clear. When you were in your mother’s womb, for the first six weeks of life only the X chromosome expressed itself. Remember, XX is female and XY is male. That’s why, for a very long time, we have understood that human beings all begin their days as female. But there is a change that occurs with males after that time. From that point forward, they are different. And it has been noted by philosophers for a long time that separating their self tends to be a characteristic of what it means to be male.
Very early on, boys and their moms have problems. If husbands aren’t around to ensure that the son listens to Mom there can be real problems. And this is because very early on the boy figures out that he is different than mom. There is a real sense in which he separates from mom.
This separation from femininity continues throughout life. One thing a father often must do is tell mom to let son grow up. In other words, stop letting him be so clingy. He needs to separate. And the reality is that there is an inborn desire for this separation. But it’s not just separation. It’s separation with the intent of coming back together with the woman to create something. He leaves to become a man and comes back to build a family with his wife.
Women, on the other hand, have this continuity in their lives. It is women who carry the next generation and for the most part nurture the next generation. While men are characterized by separation, women are characterized by continuation.
She sacrifices her life and her body for the continuity of the family and humanity. How does she do this? She does this in childbearing.
He sacrifices his life for the safety and security of his wife, children, family, and society. I believe that God designed it that way. This is where they find more drive and satisfaction. This is also why men find their closest friends with those that they do some sort of battle alongside. Military veterans have attested to this often throughout history.
Her sacrifices are toward the continuance of humanity. His are toward the safety and security of her continuance. They both risk their lives, but for different reasons and in different ways.
And all of this happens rather naturally. Women are of utmost importance to the furtherance and continuance of humans. And men, well, it is incumbent upon men to protect that. They are to give their lives to this.
What would you think of a man that let his wife check on a funny sound in the house in the middle of the night?
We get here rather naturally.
And this is exactly why tears matter.
Where do, for the most part, women find their sense of purpose in comparison to men? They may both say the family. But within that structure the roles play out differently. Mother will most of the time say that it’s nurturing life. And the husband will most often say it’s about providing for and protecting the lives of the children in his care.
Where do, for the most part, women find their closest friends in comparison to men? It has long been noted that women’s relationships are more emotional and personal. They tend to communicate more and build a community. This seems to go right along with what we’re talking about today. Men tend to build a community around some sort of activity, typically we are talking about common goals/a mission.
This explains a lot.
Why does my wife tear up when Thomas J dies of bee stings in My Girl?
Why do I yawn through that but feel strange moisture on my cheek when William Wallace is being tortured at the end of Braveheart?
This rather odd difference just points to there being a major difference between men and women. As a general rule, emotions roll out according to those differences.
I state all of this at the beginning of the sermon today because I have only ever heard these tears discussed in a rather feminine manner. The descriptions are difficult for men to understand. But it shouldn’t be. It was men that were being emotional.
We read this text and see these men being very emotional over Paul’s leaving and them never seeing him again. And, for some reason, we interpret it as if it were all women present. But that’s not what’s happening here. When we understand the differences between men and women, we better understand what is happening in our text today and we better understand the bond we have as a church.
To be clear, the application of this text is to both men and women. I only discuss this being men because it helps us to understand our text. But in understanding our text better, we understand better how to interpret this passage and apply it to our own lives. They were sorrowful because of the Word He had spoken, which was the content of the last two sermons.
The content of the Word He had spoken, which can be boiled down to the gospel and our mission brought them together. This brought unity to them, and it brought sorrow as he parted. As the Church, we are to be one in the bond of love and mission.
We Are United In The Gospel
We are told that these men were mostly sorrowful “because of the Word He Had spoken”. What was the Word He had spoken? Well, it was the speech that he’d just given. And really, it was the speech that he’d spoken to them that brought them out of death to life.
We were all rebel sinners, just as they were, destined for eternal death in a place called Hell. But God the Son made a way out and a way to Him. He sent His Son to take on human flesh, live a perfect life, and die on the cross as the punishment for sin. Three days later, Jesus Christ rose from the grave. And all those that turn from ruling their own lives and trust in Christ are saved from sin and death. They are brought into God’s family.
Think with me a bit concerning Ephesus. These people were pagans, devoted to idolatry in ways that we struggle to imagine today. They were lost in sin, blind and in bondage, and they heard the gospel. How is it that they heard the gospel?
Paul preached it. God rescued them, but He did so through the work of Paul and the other missionaries. Everyone knew that Paul had sacrificed much to deliver them the gospel. He had been heroic and made sacrifice after sacrifice to deliver the gospel to them in Ephesus. They knew that and were grateful.
I would argue that they were in sorrow, in part, because of the message he shared and the many sacrifices he made to share it. Paul had declared to them “anything that was profitable (Acts 20:20). He had testified of “repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ” (Acts 20:21). He had “gone about proclaiming the kingdom” (Acts 20:25). And for all of that they were grateful.
This man had lived through and persevered through all sorts of trials and tribulations to bring them the message that would save them. Paul was going to be missed.
Your condition apart from Christ was dire.
We were created upright, but are now wicked and rebellious (Ecclesiastes 7:29, Romans 5:7-8). We are now sinners because of Adam’s disobedience (Romans 5:19). Sin is not something that is outside of us. We sin because we are sinners.
This wickedness extends to all of humanity. We have all broken God’s Law and fallen short of His standard (Isaiah 53:6, Romans 3:23). We like to think that we are not that bad, but that’s not what Scripture says either. It says that we are sinful and rebellious to our core and it is seen in our thoughts, speech, and actions (Romans 3:1-23).
Our sin has so affected us that our minds and consciences are defiled and we don’t understand how desperately sick we are (Jeremiah 17:9, Titus 1:15-16). We are described as being “full of evil” (Ecclesiastes 9:3).
And to make matters worse, we were held captive to sin and rebellion. In Titus 3:3, Paul describes the Christian as having once been slaves to passions and pleasures. And in Galatians 4:8-9 he describes the people as having been enslaved to their idolatry. In Romans he describes the Christians as having once been enslaved to sin (Romans 6:6, 16, 17, 19, 20). In 2 Timothy 2:25-26 Paul states that people outside of Christ have been trapped by Satan and captured. So, not only are we wicked and sinful, but we have been captured and enslaved. We can’t get out on our own.
Our enslavement, however, is not that we are in literal chains. It’s that we are so corrupt that we choose to live in wickedness without fail. In other words, we choose to do evil because we want to do evil. We lived, not according to what was best for us but according to our own sinful desires because we were “children of wrath, like the rest of mankind” (Ephesians 2:3). We love the darkness and not the light, because we are evil (John 3:19).
We are truly in a hopeless condition before we come to faith in Christ. We are “by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind” (Ephesians 2:3).
They were in a dire situation, the most dire of situations. And the only rescue from that is through Jesus Christ.
Why were they sorrowful? Because they would see Paul no longer. And he is the one that had spoken the words of life to them. He is the one that had told them of God’s grace and mercy that is found only in Jesus Christ. He is the one that had been chased and beaten all around the known world, lived and told them about the one that died for them to bring them salvation.
Of course they were grateful!
They were overwhelmed by the grace of God that is found in Jesus Christ.
But they were also filled with gratitude concerning the many sacrifices that the messenger made to bring them the gospel.
This is not just sorrow over leaving. The man that had risked his life to bring them the gospel was about to go risk his life again and would not make it back to see them. This man was a giant among men who told them of the only way they could be rescued. And he was headed off to do it again in even more danger. Of course there was tremendous sorrow at his leaving.
So we don’t just see sorrow in our text today because the people would not ever see Paul again. Of course that brought sadness. But this was the person that had risked his life to delver the gospel to them.
We Are United In The Mission To Declare The Gospel
What had these men done together?
Paul had declared the gospel to them and had led them in forming the church at Ephesus. He had been at work with them declaring the gospel and leading this church in the mission to take the gospel to the nations.
It’s not hard to understand what took place. Paul declared the gospel to them and led them in forming the church at Ephesus. And they declared the gospel, made disciples, and led the church together.
The were united in their mission to go forth with the gospel. They saw numerous victories as the church grew. Many people came to faith in Christ. And they worked together to see the advance of the Kingdom of Christ.
Last week I discussed the nature of the gospel’s advance by looking at Psalm 110. Let’s look at that again.
“A Psalm of David. The LORD says to my Lord: “Sit at my right hand, until I make your enemies your footstool.” The LORD sends forth from Zion your mighty scepter. Rule in the midst of your enemies! Your people will offer themselves freely on the day of your power, in holy garments; from the womb of the morning, the dew of your youth will be yours. The LORD has sworn and will not change his mind, “You are a priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.” The Lord is at your right hand; he will shatter kings on the day of his wrath. He will execute judgment among the nations, filling them with corpses; he will shatter chiefs over the wide earth. He will drink from the brook by the way; therefore he will lift up his head.” (Psalm 110:1-7 ESV)
As Christians, where are we in this psalm?
We are the people offering ourselves freely on the day of His power. We are taking the gospel forth to the nations.
The word that Paul spoke pertained to what would happen when he left. It was about the mission that they had as a church. It was about how they would continue to fulfill it.
We have been given the Great Commission and we are going forth amid Christ’s enemies, amid people in bondage to sin and death. And we are declaring to them the saving message of the gospel. We are going forth together. And this forms a bond between us.
Paul spent a large portion of this talk discussing the Church. He discussed with them their common mission together and how they were to proceed. Now that he was to be gone, they were going to need to care for this people and keep moving forward. The job was not over.
Earlier I said that men tend to really bond and unite with those people they do something with. That seems to be what we see here.
When a young man is in sports, he usually finds his closest friends among those that he is on that team with.
For my part, I remember this well with Football and basketball. But it peaked with Football for me. We were a good football team my Junior year, projected to win the State Championship in 1998. But it didn’t happen. We failed miserably, losing in the first round of the playoffs. Somehow, failure seemed to bring us together. There was a large group of seniors, of which I was one. We were jokingly called the “All Stars” by the seniors when we were Sophomores because the program had high hopes for us. And, we had missed our opportunity to win our Junior year. We were not going to miss it our Senior year. And we grew in closeness with one another. The common goal, common disappointments, and common victories brought us together. We got in trouble every Tuesday morning for staying out late and watching Monday Night Football at each other’s houses. We were such an oddity that the Arkansas Democrat Gazette ran an article about our team that was about how close we were. And we went undefeated and won the State Championship that year.
I am guessing that is a story a lot of young men would say is true of them.
But that unity of goal and purpose pails in comparison to the stories I have heard from Veterans. We have some Veterans. I thought it would be good for them to speak on this their selves. Their common self-sacrifice for a common goal has led them to have a bond and unity that I do not have myself.
It says that the biggest reason they were in sorrow was because of the Word that had been spoken. And part of that word that had been spoken was their common mission. And it’s a big thing.
As Christians we understand that we are united in Christ. We have a common salvation. It is only through Jesus Christ that we have salvation. All of us are united here today because of that common salvation we have in Him. The same blood that saves me also saved you. The same body that was broken for you was broken for me. The same Holy Spirit that indwells me also indwells you.
But our commonality doesn’t end there. It also extends to our common mission to go forth and declare the gospel to a lost and dying world.
Men are less likely to attend a Church service than a woman is. And it is not so with other religions. Oftentimes, in other religions, men are more likely to attend than women. But why?
I think part of it gets to what we discussed today. We haven’t always done a good job conveying why it is that men should care about being in church. And it might be more accurate to say that we haven’t kept the mission at the forefront of our activity, so the connection really wasn’t possible.
But that’s not how it is supposed to be. We have a common mission to go and deliver the news of salvation to the captives. And as a church we must take that seriously.
We need you, as men, to take your role in the Church seriously. We need you, as men, to take your roles within your family seriously. We need you to endeavor to expand the Kingdom of God here in Conway as well as all over the globe.
This is one area that I want to commend our church on. I was thinking about this because of a comment I’d heard about our church. Things are different here than I have usually seen elsewhere. When I think about the men in our church, I don’t see purposeless and lifeless men. I don’t see men with no life in them and no direction. I see men that want to go places and do things. And that makes us a strange church. That has not been the case for a whole lot of churches.
And so, there have been a few occasions that we have been able to look at our son and discuss how men are supposed to behave. We’ve used a lot of you as examples to try to get him to just look around. “Men protect women, look at and then we give a list of names for him to think about.” That is a wonderful position to be in. Embrace that. Run with that. Endeavor, with your wife and other women in the Church to bring all of life under Christ’s dominion beginning in your home. And then do that outside your home.
We have a mission together. And that brings unity.
If we take that seriously men and women connect. Men and women feel the bond of unity that comes from being united in the mission. It may be more difficult for men to communicate in the way that women do, but that is not the case about the mission. That is something men can easily unite around. It is something that all of us can unite around.
Church, we have a common mission. And this common mission is not just something men take part in. Men, women, and children in the Church all have this common mission to go forth and make disciples.
We have unity in our common salvation and in our common mission. Those are things we can all unite around.
R. Dwain Minor